Diana Johnson, Wood Networks
Sometimes it seems like your IT guy speaks another language. Some of the words sound like English, but surely the definition differs. Perhaps there is an alien life form that currently inhabits his body. Which would make sense, wouldn’t it? I mean how else does he work his IT magic, if not by using some extra-terrestrial super power? Well, in an effort to bring peace to our species and understanding to the human race, I have compiled a top 10 list to cover some of the more basic phrases.

1. Computer
   When a tech is talking about your computer, he is referring to the CPU tower that generally sits in a cabinet in your desk or on the floor. The monitor, keyboard, and mouse are not a part of the computer, think of them as accessories.
2. Overheating the CPU
   Your CPU (refer to number 1 if you are unsure what your CPU is) needs to have some room to breathe. Overheating is the easiest way to ensure your computer will not work properly, but it is also the easiest to fix. Leave at least 1 inch of air space on each side of the computer and 4-5 inches in the back. Do not stack calendars, binders, etc around it. If you use a space heater in your office, do not put it anywhere near your computer. It only has evil intentions toward your computer; it is best to keep them far apart from each other.
3. Anti-Virus/Anti-Spyware Scams
   If a window pops up telling you that your computer has an infection and you need to purchase Anti-Virus or Anti-Spyware to protect your computer, do not do it. This is a scam to both get your money and infect your computer with either a virus or malware. Similarly, if you get a pop-up that tells you that your computer has a virus or a threat detected and it needs to clean or remove the threat and you don’t recognize the Anti-Virus as one you installed- do not click anything. Shut down your computer and start it back up again. If the pop-up window appears again, call your IT professional. This is the threat; clicking on any part of it may install a virus or malware. Remember hackers are not your friends, like the space heater, they are evil. Seriously, it’s a crime wave and it is centered on your pc.
4. Slow computer at startup
   It’s Monday. You are running a little late. You dash into the office and turn your computer on. It is taking forever to get to your login screen! What’s the deal? The majority of the time a slow computer at startup means that you have too many programs running in the background trying to load when you just want to login. Sometimes it may be programs that came with your computer that you really don’t need, especially if you purchased your computer at a retail location. It also may be programs that have latched on when you visited a website. The answer? Call your IT professional to clean up your Startup Menu. You could try and do it yourself, but I wouldn’t recommend it. There are too many programs you do need that you could innocently remove, which would cause your computer to function improperly and in some cases cease to function altogether.
5. Log off
   When asked to log off your computer, you just need to sign off. Nothing should be shut down or turned off. Click on your Start icon at the bottom left hand of your monitor screen, go over to Shutdown and hover over the arrow next to Shutdown (do not click), then click on Log off.
6. Restart
   When asked to restart your computer, you need to use the specific restart function. Click on your Start icon at the bottom left hand of your monitor screen, go over to Shutdown and hover over the arrow (do not click), click on Restart.
7. Hard Shut-down
   When asked to do a hard shut-down on your computer. Press and hold the power button (usually on the front of the computer, not the monitor) until the computer shuts down. Usually the tech will want you to wait 10 seconds to 2 minutes and then power it back on, pressing the power button again. In some cases where he knows you have a severe infection he may ask you to leave it off until he arrives.
8. Local printer vs. Network Printer
   A local printer is one that only you can print to. In most cases there is a direct line from that printer to your computer.
   A network printer is one that is setup on your IT Network and multiple people can print to it.
9. Noises
   Beeping: Is it coming from the speaker for your system, the actual CPU, or the UPS? For the sake of clarity the UPS is the piece of equipment you plug everything into, also known as the battery backup. Most of the time a beeping sound will be coming from the UPS and it means you need to replace the battery in it.
   Clicking: If you hear a clicking sound when you are accessing your CD-ROM, you may have a problem and the CD-ROM drive may need to be replaced.
   High Pitch Noise from Computer: This could mean that your fan may need to be replaced within the computer.
   Hard Thump: This could result from a bad hard disk drive. Have it checked out by an IT professional.
   Loud pop or crack from the speakers after your computer has been turned on: A crack or pop when you initially turn on your computer is not uncommon. However should it continue, try moving your speakers to an alternate spot. If that does not help, you probably need to replace the speakers.
10. If you aren’t sure how to fix something- don’t. One of the most harmful things you can do to your computer is to try to resolve something on your own if you aren’t sure what you are doing. Don’t forget, you can always call your friendly IT professionals at AgniTEK!